Fuzzy Logic

After the visit to the Doc yesterday we stopped by my work since it's right up the road from his office. It was great to see everyone again, it seems like I have been gone for a long time. After having thought about it this morning I realize that I was pretty fuzzy while I was there and probably looked like crap. I'm kind of a living version of a zombie I think, pale and weak looking. I guess I should wait a while before I go back to see them again. I'm pretty tired today after my outing so I think I'll just rest today. The cough medicine sure helps with that process..

Surviving the Weekend..
Don't ask me how, but somehow I survived the weekend. This was one of the worst experiences that I can remember. Having a cold under normal circumstances is a drag, but
this was far from normal. I'm going to my regular Dr today, at least I know if I see him I will get something to help ease this misery.

Later...Well, it appears that the cold didn't do any damage other than making me feel like shit. He gave me some heavy duty antibiotics that should kill just about any funk in my system. And, some kick ass cough medicine that will knock me out. Finally, some real relief..

Sneeze, Cough, OUCH, DAMN!

When I talked to the Dr's office yesterday I told them I felt like I was catching cold and asked what I could take. The advice was, "If you still have a cold on Monday call us back". Well, that was helpful.. Now I have a headcold and I can't lay down, and I can't sit in my reclining chair either because I can't get any air. This sucks.

When Joe found out what kind of shape I'm in he decided that he was coming over to hang with me. I can't tell you how much that means to me. Laurie has to get up early and go to work so she needs her rest. So, here we are...Me sitting in a hard backed chair trying to sleep, and Joe, sleeping on the couch right by me in case I need something. If you don't have a Joe of your own, I highly recommend that you get one. On second thought, mine is one of a kind...You can't have him.

Cough,Cough, OUCH! Cough, OUCH!

Every time I cough it REALLY hurts! It's a dry, hacky cough. My friend Don said he had the same cough when he had his heart problem and it was one of the drugs he was taking that caused it. Something called "Vasotec". Hmmm...I'm taking that! Hit the web, bring up my trusty webmd, and sure enough, "Side effect may include dry cough". What the hell!
Why would you give somebody a drug after ripping their chest open that may cause them to cough! I'm pissed off..

After a call to the Cardio guys they say, "Oh yeah, that can happen"..Grrrr!!
OK, "Fix it"! They change to something called "Diovan" that should work just as well, without the cough.

I have come to the conclusion that it's pretty much a guessing game with these folks. "Let's try this, and if it doesn't work we'll try something else". I know, I'm whining again, but really..I can't sleep because of the cough so I'm a bit cranky.

Company Day!

I survived yesterday's experience and today I am feeling much better now. The great news today is that (A) Laurie has the day off, and (B) Shannon and Kelly are coming for lunch!
I am going to be really glad to see them, they always bring the sunshine.

We had a really nice time! Subs for lunch and just a great chance to catch up on all the gossip from work. I find I'm pretty tired this afternoon. Mostly because of that pain from yesterday, it really wore me out. I also seem to have developed an annoying cough. I need to see what that is all about...

Big Mistake
I woke up today with the most incredible pain in the left side of my chest and up into my neck. It feels like a muscle that has been really pulled, and I can't even lift my head or open my eyes. I guess the activity yesterday was too much. I'm going to call the surgeon's office because I must admit I'm a little frightened by it.
Tylenol? That's the best they can do? Don't they know I'm dying here?

Laurie called, she is worried but I told her there was no need for her to come home. There isn't anything she can do for me, I'm just going to try to get comfortable and sleep.

"Hello?"..Laurie called her friend Laura because she was so concerned, so she came right over and she is just hanging out with me. That's really nice of her, I'm sure she had better things to do than babysit me. I am trying to be social, but it's a struggle. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for the company, especially since I don't really understand what's happening. The Dr's office says it's because of the trauma on the other side of my chest. The muscles on the left side have been carrying the load since my surgery and now they are unhappy and complaining. Let me tell you, they bitch really loud!

"All by Myself"
I feel awesome today! Laurie has gone back to work so I am all my myself. I shuffle around the house, watch crappy TV, and I decided that I could use a little exercise. The treadmill seems like a good idea. I'm only going to do half a mile today, that should be easy.

That went pretty well. So well in fact I think I will help out a little around the house. I can mop the kitchen floor, that doesn't require any lifting.

At the end of the day I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. I didn't sit around all day. I want to get back to normal as soon as possible, so I think by doing little things I will heal faster. Makes sense, right?

I slept (sort of) in my own bed last night. I wasn't very comfortable so I think I am going to need to sleep in my chair for a while. I can recline in that and it's a lot easier for me to get up when I need to. I'm glad I have my XM radio though, I put on my headphones and listen to music and try to sleep. I don't disturb Laurie that way. I do my best to be quiet so she can sleep, this has been hard on her too.

Everything I eat tastes like crap. I'm pretty sure some of the drugs I am taking are to blame for that. I have quite the collection right now, but hopefully I won't have to take them for long.

I have to take short breaths, I feel like I am having trouble getting air. I'm sure things are kind of crowded in my chest. Seven hours of surgery means that there is some stuff that got bruised up so I guess my lungs are not able to get the full capacity. I try to take deep breaths, but it's not happening. I have a plastic gizmo that has a little yellow disc in side and a tube that I suck air into. The goal is to raise the little yellow disc up to the happy face that's painted on the plastic case. It's supposed to help me get my lungs back in shape so I don't get pneumonia. I do it whenever I think of it, and it is kind of amusing to play with.
Speaking of playing with stuff, I have played with some of my toys that Kelly and Shannon gave me. The wooden puzzles are still in one piece, I haven't thrown them at a wall yet. Those things frustrate me, but Laurie is a whiz at them. The Rubic's Cube still is all mixed up, and I will get around to peeling the stickers off and putting them back on in the right order one of these days. The thing with the flashing lights is fun, and the object is to hit the right combination and turn off all the lights. I find that taking the batteries out does the same thing..And faster too. I did work on some of the word puzzles though, I do pretty good with the scrambled word things.

One day home and I'm bored already. Joe has been over to keep me company, and that helps a lot. Not just for me, but it lets Laurie get some rest too. She worries about me and I'm afraid she will get worn out if she doesn't relax too.
I'm feeling a little weak today, but I'm in a really good mood. I hope it lasts..

Goin' Home!
All my tubes are gone, the IV has been undone, even the Catheter is gone!
I've been cleared for takeoff.

Get me outta here. I can't wait to get home in my own house, with my own stuff, and I can maybe get some rest. As soon as they said I was free to go I got dressed and parked out by the nurse's desk while they prepared my discharge orders. They didn't expect me to get ready that quick. Hey, I'm going home, of course I'm gonna get ready quick. Finally, they read all of my instructions, "Take this handful of pills at this time, take some more later, call the Dr for an appointment, blah, blah, blah." Good thing Laurie was there. I didn't listen to a word the nurse said...Did I mention I'm going home?

It's a little uncomfortable riding in the truck, and I realize that I am still pretty tired. We make a quick stop so Laurie can grab some lunch and then HOME!

I settle into my Lazy boy, lean back with a blanket and enjoy the peace and quiet.
Now the recovery can really start..

Well I feel like shit. Not in the physical sense, except that I'm really tired. The staff has been working on my roommate all night long, and as a result they have kept me awake pretty much all night, not to mention that it's hot as hell in here. Anyway, I was just about to pitch a royal bitch at somebody for all the noise when they came in and said, "We have to move you to another room, Mr. XXXX in the bed next door has passed away."
Instead of being focused on how lucky I am to be here at all, I was getting all pissy about a little noise. Call me Mr. Sensitive.

Later...
I was really looking forward to Shannon and Kelly's visit today, REALLY looking forward to seeing them, but because of the lack of sleep and the general crappy feeling I wouldn't be very good company so I asked Laurie to tell them it would probably be best if they didn't come today. I love them both like the little sisters that big brothers get to tease all the time. They were going to get to see my cool scars and tubes sticking out of my chest and stuff..You know, the things you do to gross out your little sisters for your own amusement? I miss them already and I've only been out of work for a few days. That's OK, I'll have plenty of time to catch up on my harassment later..

My sister calls often from Florida too. I'm always grateful to have her, she knows medicine stuff and helps me understand some of the things I'm curious about. My experience is that a large majority of medical people want to treat you like there is no way you could understand the language they speak, so they talk in vague techno-speak. I have been dealing with these folks because of daughters with serious medical issues for a very long time now, and I have learned if I ask the right questions at the right time they will give me the information I need to know. My sister cuts through all that crap for me so I don't need to waste time trying to prove I'm not an idiot.

Joe brought me some really obscene get well cards today, that almost made me forget how crappy I feel. I did however find out that laughing is painful right now.
That's a pain I can deal with though.

The Physical Therapy people are still trying to get me to walk around the halls. I try, but I get really dizzy and I'm somewhat blind out there. I finally figured out that the percocets they keep feeding me for pain are the cause. I told them I didn't want or need them, I'm not in pain. Now that they are gone I can walk around fine, I even went up and down the stairs a few times! Now that I have done that I can probably go home tomorrow! Hurray!

If you have ever been a patient in a hospital you know that sleep is almost impossible. I can't really fault the nurses, they are doing their job, but every 15 minutes? They come in, check blood pressure, temp, whatever. Then they leave, come back because they forgot to check something, leave, then the doctors-in-training come in. Sometimes they acknowledge you, sometimes it's a group and it's "Mr. so-and-so blah, blah, blah, and we did yadda, yadda, yadda." Then they mumble to each other, look at the charts....And they move on to the next victim.

The dietician brings in "Breakfast." Now, those that know me know that I will eat most anything that's put in front of me, but really people...Lemon Jello, decaf coffee, something that may or may not have been eggs at one point in time, and cream of wheat with no milk or sugar? Wallpaper paste like consistency. I had a bad part, not heart disease. Ah well, nothing really tastes right anyway. I eat what I can.

I'm really good about doing what they ask, "Here, take these pills, time to draw blood, time to clean your IV, ect, ect, ect." But it's usually when I finally get a chance to sleep a little. I can see that I will be ready to climb the walls after a few days of this. I'm glad that Laurie is here and that the guys have dropped by too. I'm afraid I'm not very good company right now, but they are cool about it.
Laurie started a sweater for me when I went in for surgery and her goal is to have it finished by the time I go back to work, and she is knitting like crazy while she sits here and listens to me whine about pretty much everything. *Sigh*

The Physical Therapy people come in a few times because they would like me to get up and walk around. I try, but I feel a bit "disconnected" between mind and body when I do. Maybe later...



Sometime in the afternoon
I feel bad for my roommate. He seems to be in pretty bad shape. I guess he has been here a while and I don't know what the problem is, but there lots of doctors in and out of his side of the room.

I feel pretty good, all things considered. I can't really move much because I'm pretty sore so I have to lay on my back. My breathing is mostly short breaths, I can't take a deep breath. I am surprised that I really don't have any pain, probably the drugs. That tube in my neck is annoying, not because it hurts but because I know it's there. Same for the one in my chest. I drift in and out of sleep during the day, probably the drugs again, or maybe because I'm bored. Shannon and Kelly gave me some cool toys to play with, and puzzle books, but I'm not ready to play with them yet. I figure I will have plenty of time for them later.

I asked if the tube in my neck could come out and one of the Docs came in. It was easier than I thought it would be. He said, "When I tell you, cough real hard for me." I did and just like that it was gone. He put a great big pressure bandage on the hole so I wouldn't spurt blood all over the place from the artery. That's more annoying than the tube was, but I have to keep it on for a few days.

It's been a long day...

I'm hear somebody...I can't see anything...I'm trying to talk but nothing is coming out of my mouth and, why does my back hurt so much? I feel like somebody is jamming something into my back. I'm trying to tell whoever is talking to me, but I can't make the words come out. Now I begin to remember, I had surgery...This must be recovery. Why does everything sound so far away? Damn! This pain in my back is unbelievable. Where is Laurie? Wait..I hear her but she can't hear me. I'm sure I'm alive because if I wasn't my back wouldn't hurt like this.

I am hearing her a little better now. Oh wait, there's a tube in my throat! No wonder I can't talk. Gotta tell somebody about my back. Things are starting to get a little clearer now...If I write on my sheet with my finger maybe I can tell her about my back. Yup, I can spell. The nurse says I can have some Morphine for the pain. Great! That should take care of the problem. Oh crap, this stuff is making my stomach roll, I try to tell them that I'm gonna be sick....
Whew....That's how to get rid of a tube down your gullet. They pulled that thing out pretty quick when I told them I was going to hurl. I still can't talk, but at least my back feels a little better.

I drift in and out most of the night, it's really quiet in Intensive care. I have a nurse that sits right at the foot of my bed all night and comes in every 15 minutes or so to check up on me. When I am awake I have strange thoughts. I listen to what is happening around me, play with O2 sensor, the little red light that's taped to my finger. I do the "ET phone home" imitation and it makes me laugh. I get the feeling my nurse has seen it lots of time before and he doesn't laugh at me.

I just realized that I have tubes sticking out all over the place. There is one coming out of my neck that looks like a tree on the end, 4 or 5 branches at the end. There is one in my chest that I can't really see where the end is. There is a catheter tube that comes out of "My special place", don't really want to go into detail on that one..

My poor Laurie has to be exhausted. It has been a longer day for her than me. I'm glad she's going home to get some sleep. She must have been worried sick all day. Thank goodness for the guys. All of our friends that we teach with at the Motorcycle School were there with her while I was in surgery and of course Joe..He has a heart as big as he is, and that's pretty darn big. He hung in there since early morning, and I don't think he even scored on any nurses the whole day, I think that must be a new record for him. It must have been a wild time in the waiting room. These guys are a portable party waiting to happen. Words can't describe what I feel for these guys.

I need to take a minute to thank my friends/family. There really isn't a line to separate friends and family in my book. The people I know and work with are family to me. I love them all. They mean more to me than I can possible express, but they know who they are and how I feel about them. It's times like this when you realize just how important these relationships are. I am so lucky to have them.


I'm pretty much awake now, but still a bit fuzzy. Not a bad night really. It's early morning and there is a bit more activity with the changing of the guard. Thirsty..I'm really thirsty. They let me have ice chips, but I really could use a drink of water. I have some voice again and I finally convince them that I promise not to hurl on them if they let me have a drink. They finally agree and I keep my promise.

I don't know what time it is, but the nurse and her assistant come in and ask me if I would like to walk over to the floor to my new room. I say "Sure, why not?" It was just heart surgery, I still have my legs. Macho man..Besides, they made it sound like a challenge, and I wasn't going to pass that up. It was quite the site. Me with my IV tree and my little parade walking down the hall. They kept trying to get me slow down, they were having trouble keeping up with me. Slowpokes..

I'm in my new room now. I'll have to let you know how I like it after I take a little nap.

O'Dark Thirty in the Morning..
Well, today is the day. I'm excited, nervous, anxious, but surprised that I'm not at all frightened. My wife, my good friend Joe and I arrive bright and early at the hospital and check in. Everybody there is very pleasant, but it's just another day at the office for them. I am well aware that in a very short time I'm going to have my heart stopped and I'm a bit awed by the thought.

In a while we go down to the pre-operative area where I don my lovely backless hospital gown and get on the gurney/bed thing. I do like the heated blankets, nice touch. Pretty soon the nice resident from anesthesiology comes in to start an IV line so that I can get the nice drugs to put me out. He sticks me no less than 4 times, trying to find the vein he needs. After a while I suggest that he just keep sticking me until I bleed out and then he won't have to use drugs at all. He apologizes and I feel a little bad for teasing him, but I'm the one thats bleeding.

Laurie and Joe come back in and we visit for a while and pretty soon it's time for me to go into the operating room where they can finish getting me ready for the rest of the long day ahead. I kiss Laurie, hug Joe and tell them to take care of each other. They start something in my IV as they wheel.......me........away........and I start to.......drift......off... .. ... ......