"Persona non Grata" means "Unwelcome Person"
That's kind of the way I feel some days. I sit in my little corner and watch people go by and feel pretty much invisible. I'm not asked for my opinion, or my counsel. It's weird really, I used to be the one that they came to when a problem needed solving, or with a suggestion on how situations should be addressed. Not any more.
I'm starting to look forward to retirement. I felt it last week when for the first time in my working life I realized that I wasn't wondering how things were going here, not one little bit. That's not a good sign. This week I should be happy to be back, but instead I'm feeling conflicted.
Better days are coming, I'm sure...
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Well, it's another year. What the hell happened to last year? It seems like only yesterday I was looking at the start of 2009 and wondering what the hell happened to 2008!
I don't know why it bothers me this much. I have a comfortable home, a wife that loves me, a Granddaughter that is the light of my life, a faithful dog, and....a job. Notice the hesitation? It's a job, nothing more. You see, I used to love what I did for a living. I got to travel to some great places, meet some interesting people, and really feel like I made a contribution to the company. Now, not so much...
It's frustrating to feel that I still have a lot to give and no place to give it. I'm forced to take orders from people with far less experience than mine, and there isn't anyone that I can talk to that really understands. I sit in my little corner, do what is expected of me, and all the time feeling like my light is fading day by day. I know, I know...I'm "lucky" to have a job in this economy, and I recognize that, but I have a need to feel valuable and I'm not feeling that. I have spent my whole adult life working to be the kind of person that treats people in the manner that I want to be treated, I've always been honest and respectful and kind. I have always thought that "work" wasn't a four-letter word, and I have listened to so many people complain about their jobs, but I didn't understand. I think I get it now, they weren't really unhappy with the job, but rather they were feeling some of what I'm going through now. But the question is, how do you recover lost dignity?
Another subject for another day I guess..But, I do hope everyone has a Safe and Happy New Year!
I don't know why it bothers me this much. I have a comfortable home, a wife that loves me, a Granddaughter that is the light of my life, a faithful dog, and....a job. Notice the hesitation? It's a job, nothing more. You see, I used to love what I did for a living. I got to travel to some great places, meet some interesting people, and really feel like I made a contribution to the company. Now, not so much...
It's frustrating to feel that I still have a lot to give and no place to give it. I'm forced to take orders from people with far less experience than mine, and there isn't anyone that I can talk to that really understands. I sit in my little corner, do what is expected of me, and all the time feeling like my light is fading day by day. I know, I know...I'm "lucky" to have a job in this economy, and I recognize that, but I have a need to feel valuable and I'm not feeling that. I have spent my whole adult life working to be the kind of person that treats people in the manner that I want to be treated, I've always been honest and respectful and kind. I have always thought that "work" wasn't a four-letter word, and I have listened to so many people complain about their jobs, but I didn't understand. I think I get it now, they weren't really unhappy with the job, but rather they were feeling some of what I'm going through now. But the question is, how do you recover lost dignity?
Another subject for another day I guess..But, I do hope everyone has a Safe and Happy New Year!
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