I tried to forget about this blog, I figured if I did the whole nightmare would go away and I could forget all about it. But...the last 2 years have been rough. Since the diagnosis of Congestive heart failure it's been a series of ups and downs.
I've been trying to keep upbeat with the issue, but instead I've been more beat up than up beat. I'm use to fixing broken things, electronic or mechanical-it doesn't matter. I can usually find pieces parts to put it back together and get it working as intended. This...not so much. It's not really "fixable" and I find that frustrating. I'm tired most of the time, a bit cranky, and feeling like I'm a bit useless.
I never thought I would see the day that I would retire, I figured I would work my whole life, but here I am semi-retired and feeling like I have no value at my job anymore. My moral had already taken a bigger hit before this started, but now it's at an all-time flat.
So now the testing has started again. Maybe another ablation, maybe some toxic drugs. It's not like I want to throw in the towel, but I would really like to get to feel a bit normal again, I'm trying to do all the things that they want me to do, but I'm pretty discouraged today.
I'll come back more often and try to post my thoughts, hopefully I can scrape up a few happy ones as we go along.
