Take a little piece of my Heart..

2011-08-03T16:44:00.000-04:00

I'm having a hard time today and this post goes out to my daughter. She's had the most horrible luck with a medical condition since pretty much the day she was born. Surgery after surgery after surgery, and yet she still manages to stay upbeat and plugs on...most of the time.

Most people have no idea what it's like to go day to day walking and working and doing whatever. You just do what you do and you don't give much thought as to how you get there. Imagine that suddenly you find yourself completely immobile and you can't even do the most basic tasks like fixing something to eat, or showering, or even worse-going to the bathroom without asking for help. This is her day right now. Oh it will get better, and we hope it will stay that way. But for now, it's frustrating for her and it upsets me as well because I'm too far away to be helpful to her. She's been through it before more times than I can remember, but I suffer right along with her from here and I hate it.

So, I just wanted to say-be grateful for your health and don't take the everyday for granted. Hopefully you won't ever find yourself in this position, but if you do, I hope you can be as brave as she is. Her strength is something to behold and I'm proud of her for it.

I was thinking about life today and wondering where my direction is heading. The one thought that I had was that eventually we all reach that point where your life flashes before your eyes. I want to make sure that mine will be worth watching. Is yours?

Much love to you Jess, hang in there. Great things are ahead for you, it all happens in due time.

2011-07-06T09:28:00.001-04:00

I wasn't planning on commenting on this, but the recent rash of phone calls and emails I have received has prompted me to say a little something.

First and foremost, my thoughts go out to the family of the guy that died this past weekend in a motorcycle crash. My heart always goes to the families of these people and this particular crash doesn't change that.

Now, I'm getting up on my soap box so bear with me while I get my balance.

This guy was killed while on a "Helmet Protest" ride. He was protesting because the law says he has to wear a motorcycle helmet to protect his head when he rides his motorcycle...and he died. Ironic isn't it? Please understand, I am all for personal choice and taking responsibility for your actions, and this guy was exercising his right of personal choice...but he is now...Dead.

Because this is America, and I consider myself a patriotic person, I will defend the right to be stupid and wrong, that is guaranteed by the constitution and I won't argue with that. However, that being said, riding a motorcycle is a risky task anytime you swing a leg over that saddle, and the idea of not doing whatever you can in any small measure to protect yourself is in my mind idiotic at the least. And then there is the family. Was it their choice to lose a close member of their family? I'm thinking probably not.

I know what head injury looks like up close having lived it for the past 17+ years. Watching someone you love that was a bright light in your own life suddenly become a very dim glow is heartbreaking and every day you wish it were a bad dream and when you wake up it never happened, but day after day it's the same and it will be tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that.

When I taught people to ride I tried to impress on them the importance of ATTGATT, "All the gear, all the time". Most people got it, some not. But I know I did everything I could to convince them that if it wasn't something they chose to believe from me, at least think about the people that love them and what kind of effect it would have on them if they suddenly find them without you around, or worse, around but not the same person you knew and loved.

I'm sorry, but my sympathy isn't with the guy that crashed...Did I mention that he's dead?

Live your life responsibly, there are others that love and care about you and want you around. Enjoy whatever sport and activity you choose, but do it with love for the people you may leave behind. The comment I keep hearing is, "He died doing what he loved." Really? He loved dying? I think if he had the opportunity to do it over he would probably not choose that.

I'm getting down from my soap box now. I'm angry still, and I realize that I can't save everyone with my talk, but if I can get through to one or two people....I'm happy with that.

2011-07-05T13:31:00.000-04:00

What a fantastic, sunny, warm, long weekend it was! I can't remember a 4th of July holiday that was this nice in a really long time, no rain, nice and warm, and...quiet!

I spent time cutting bushes and trimming tree limbs away from my driveway, cooking on the grill, listening to music and really just enjoying some time for quiet reflection. I thought a lot about my family and good friends that are far away and wishing they were closer. I miss spending time with them and wish we could not be so far apart. It's strange how when people are close by you don't really think about it because they are close enough to reach out and touch, but when they go away the distance makes your heart hurt. I think we should find a way to tell those people more often that we miss them even when they are close by.

Physical distance doesn't have to be so far if we make a point out of bringing those we care about closer in our heart.

You know who you are, and know that you are missed and loved.

2011-06-23T09:21:00.000-04:00

Well, Happy re-birth to me again! The time and my temper get shorter, and my belt length and bucket list continues to get longer.

It's been quite a year with the usual ups and downs. Some bad things, but mostly good. My health and general attitude seem to be not too bad, but I'm old and cranky so it's hard to tell most of the time. I've watched some more people leave, saw a few come into the world so on balance it was not as bad as some years. I'm going to do my best to stay postive today. I'm going to try to refrain from making too many life changing decisions right now, and in fact from now on this is how I'm going to make all of my new life choices.

It's going to be smooth sailing from now on guys! I hope you enjoy your life too!

2011-06-21T11:17:00.000-04:00

It's a little hard to see, but there is a family of foxes living under the building at the back of my Mother's property. I watched them wrestle and run around the other day, and I was reminded of just why I love summer so much here. Warm days, cool nights, animals coming out to stretch after the long winter, and just for the sunshine alone it's worth being alive.

I love the mountain where I grew up. It's changed a lot since I was a kid, but then again so has the rest of the world. Most of the neighbors I remember are gone now, it's hard to imagine that sooner or later it will happen to all of us, but that's the way life goes. We come, we live, we go.

Enjoy it while you can and hopefully the next adventure will be just as spectacular!

2011-06-20T10:23:00.000-04:00

So, I guess "No good deed goes unpunished." Not really my motto but it sure fits this week.

We went to my dear old Mom's house to make some adjustments for her so when she comes home from her little vacation in the rehab facility she will be able to get around her house without tripping over stuff. You see, she's 91 years old and almost completely blind, but she wants to live in her own house and do things on her own terms. Her mind is sharp and she's very self-sufficent, so I want her to be able to live in her house for as long as possible if that's what she wants. I'm worried, but I'm not about to tell her how she should live her life. She's always been awesome to me, supportive of anything I've ever tried to do so I feel that I owe her the same courtesy. She wants her dignity and I want for her to have it right to the end of her days.

Anyway, we moved a bunch of stuff around for her and took some things out of the house that she really doesn't need for the moment. It's about a 3 hour drive from our home to hers, so that's a pretty good amount of time to spend in a car. I seem to forget that I'm just not as young as I once was, so the thought of stretching after a long ride before doing any kind of manual labour really doesn't cross my mind. At some point we moved a coffee table from the living room to the garage, and I set it down, turned slightly, and HOLY SWEET MOTHER! My back went *Twang*.....and you guys, the pain was incredible!

When I got up on Saturday I could barely move at all. A hot shower helped, but didn't cure the problem. We went to visit Mom for a few hours, and then...back into the car for that lovely 3 hour ride home. So, Sunday was a wasted Father's Day for me. Down flat most of the day, really unhappy because I had a million things I wanted to get done at home.

This getting old crap is really starting to get ...well, old.
I hope your week is much better.

2011-06-09T15:08:00.000-04:00

Doesn't this look like the life? Cats have it so easy. Eat, sleep, play, repeat. We should all be so lucky. Every day I drag myself out of bed, shower, dress, eat, drive, come home, eat, read, sleep, repeat. I want to be a cat when I come back around next life.

2011-06-08T15:56:00.000-04:00

It's in the upper 90's here today so of course it's a perfect day for Hot Dog Day!

I love it when I get to cook for the people I work with. We haul out the pop-up tents and drag the tables around the building, fire up the grill and cook for a few hours. I get to soak up the sun and everybody gets to eat, and visit, and just hang around outside for a while. It's one of my favorite days of the year.

It's also a good day for a Hammock, a good book, and some adult beverages. Is it any wonder why I love the summer so much? Before you know winter will be upon us again here and the summer is just too short.

I hope you have a wonderful summer this year too!

2011-06-07T12:36:00.003-04:00

Today I feel like a sweet change of pace. Yesterday's entry was a little heavy so I thought maybe a pallet cleanser was in order for this lovely summer day. This is one of my daughter's creations. She is pretty creative when it comes to food. Now that she's a real Chef I get to see all these goodies, but I don't get to eat them because (A) I don't need the sugar, and (B) she lives far away. Good thing too or I'd probably gain so much weight I wouldn't be able to ride anymore.

Today she is celebrating the news that scientists shot a laser beam that collects particles and brings them back into the milky way, and the collected particles have the same enzyme in massive doses that Raspberries have that give them their taste. I find that impressive, useless, but impressive. Maybe they can find a way to spread that around and make parts of the country smell like Raspberries!

Anyway, in honor of the event, here is her Lemon cake Sweet Raspberry Milky Way Butter cream offering to the universe. Not bad huh?

http://www.heythere-cupcake.com/

2011-06-06T10:50:00.002-04:00

In the Spring a young man's fancy turns to....

That's right. Motorcycles. All shapes, sizes, and colors. When I outgrew bicycles I quickly turned to motorcycles. Still riding , but getting from place to place a whole lot quicker for sure.

When I stopped riding for a while it was when my kids were little, but I never stopped thinking about it. I just didn't have the money for toys and I needed transportation that I could haul 2 little girls around in, so motorcycles really didn't fit into my life. In time, I was able to get a few beat-up old clunkers and I was able to get back out on the road. It was a nice feeling to be able to feel that freedom that comes with riding, but somehow I knew that something was missing. My wife didn't want to ride with me, she had a pretty bad scare at one time and just couldn't bring herself to get on. I suggested she take a riding class, hoping that she might just get over the fear. As frightened as she was, she was a real trouper and took the class, even though she had some major panic when she figured out that she was actually going to be riding herself! I took the class too, for "moral support". I was arrogant enough to believe that I didn't need to take a class, I knew how to ride. Boy, was I wrong. I learned some skills that amazed me and I broke some bad riding habits that I didn't even know I had.

Suddenly I knew what I had been missing! I wanted to teach this stuff! I felt I could really contribute something to people by making them better, safer riders. I just didn't know when, but I would teach someday. Shortly after we moved back to NY my daughter was in a devastating car crash that left her brain injured and in pretty rough shape. That did it. My resolve became pretty strong then and I knew that the time was right since I couldn't help her. I was sure I could help someone else and save a life, so I found out what I had to do to be come an instructor. It was a difficult week of classes, but well worth it. And to make it even better, my wife watched me go through that and decided that she could do it too. I was so proud when she certified!

Fast forward a few years..I loved mentoring new instructors and working with students. I helped run a training site for a guy that ran a site in another city and truly loved it. In time I was asked by the state program to help them out with the whole state program, and I was more than happy to jump in there as well! I was something that suited me and I loved the people. The program was strictly run in NY at that time, we were very picky about the quality of the instuctors and made sure they were well qualified to come into the program. After all, they were going to be teaching skills to people to maybe save their life and it doesn't get more importatant than that does it?

When the state contract was taken out of state, my training life came to an end. I saw the writing on the wall. It was going to be about numbers and money. Not about safety so much any more. ~~Instructors~~ I mean "Coaches" now are coming into the program with hardly any experience, and the training program for them has been "dumbed down" so that pretty much anybody that can read can be certified. It makes me sad. What happened to hard work and dedication? I see it in the school system for our children now too. We don't want anyone to feel bad so we don't keep score and everybody gets a trophy. Then when they get out into the real world they can't understand why they aren't able to work the way they want and get paid lots of money too. But, I'm getting off track here. The point is, why should average be the goal? What ever happened to pride?

I have high hopes that somebody will see what has become of a once great training program and maybe, just maybe bring it back to the level it once was, but I doubt it will happen. The Emperor has no clothes has never been more appropriate for a comparison of the program. From the outside it looks fantastic, but when you know how it was you realize how poor it has become. Greed is the word, and I guess the feeling that some training is better than no training is "good enough".

It makes me sad to watch the sun set on that part of my life..

2011-06-03T11:28:00.000-04:00

This is the old Rexleigh bridge over near where I grew up. It spans the Battenkill River where I used to catch some of the nicest Trout you can imagine. What you don't see is the little access door about half way down the side of the bridge where we used to stand before we ~~jumped~~ fell into the river. The river comes out from Vermont, down through the mountains. When we hit the water we would have to push the ice cubes out of the way, even in the dead of August. I'm kidding of course, but trust me when I say that rivers that come out from under mountains are really, really cold.

It's amazing how much cold a 12 year old body can take. I doubt I could even put a toe in that water anymore.

2011-06-02T11:48:00.000-04:00

I thought I would continue my thoughts of yesterday with the milk story. The ice cream was pretty special, but chocolate milk day was also one of the best memories of my youth.

On hot summer afternoons we would ride the few miles to the dairy when they would be packaging milk in the little half-pint waxy cardboard containers that we all know. They supplied the school with white and chocolate milk that they would draw out of the big stainless steel tanks, icy cold into those little boxes as they moved down the conveyor to be sealed and packed.

My friends and I were allowed to stand down at the end of the line and watch them as they sealed and packed them into the big milk crates and moved them to the cooler where they would wait to be transported to the stores and the schools. The beauty of standing by the line was that there are always a certain number of the cartons that didn't seal and the milk would leak. We were allowed to have as many of those as we could hold since it was going to be thrown away anyway.

I can't tell you how many times we filled up on that icy cold, really fresh chocolate milk and then jumped back on our bikes for the ride home in the hot afternoon sun. You could feel the milk sloshing around in your belly and by the time we got home it was all we could do to keep from throwing up from the combination of cold milk, hot sun, and hard riding. I remember thinking that I was never going to do that again because of the belly ache....and in a few days we would be right back at it again. Some lessons just aren't meant to stick when the rewards outweigh the risks I guess.

2011-06-01T16:34:00.001-04:00

I saw some kids riding bikes yesterday afternoon in the 92 degree heat and it reminded me of days long ago when I was a biking fool. Where I lived, just east of nowhere we rode bikes everywhere. It was faster than walking and we covered a lot of territory pretty much every day.

One of my favorite destinations was Nelson's dairy farm. They bottled milk from their own cows, made chocolate milk to be packaged for stores and schools, and best of all they had an ice cream place in town so they made their own ice cream that they packaged in big brown cardboard containers. Art Bristol was the chief ice cream guru there and he made all of the flavors. Tuesdays were my favorite days because that was "Chocolate Mint-Chip day". We would ride out bikes down to "watch" him make the ice cream in the big industrial strength freezers. We would stand quietly and watch it churn in the glass window of the machine and we could see the bright green mixture with the little flecks of chocolate go round and round as it went from liquid to semi-hard.

At some point Art would decide that we probably should "test the ice cream" for him to make sure it was "acceptable for the store" Talk about feeling important! We would take that task as serious as if it really mattered. He always had a great big box of "Eat-it-all" cones in the ice cream room and we would stand by as he pulled the lever and watched the amazingly smooth ribbon of ice cream slowly mound on top of those cones before he carefully handed them over to us. That ice cream was so smooth that you couldn't even feel it when it touched your tounge, and the only way you knew it was there was by the icy cold, and minty sweetness as it slid down your throat. I have never to this day had anything even close to that feeling or that taste, and probably never will again. And trust me, I've looked.

Today, everything has added this and enhanced that, and chemically treated stuff to make it last longer and look prettier, and whatever. It's too bad I couldn't bottle time. I would give anything to be able to have just one more of those amazing cones.

2011-05-31T16:14:00.000-04:00

Well it's about time! The rain has stopped for a little while and it's actually getting hot for the first time this year. It was a L-O-N-G winter this year and I didn't think it was ever going to end.

Maybe it's just me, but I think the winters are getting longer as I get older. I love this part of the country 3 out of the 4 seasons, but it's just getting too cold and staying way to long for my liking. Retirement time is rapidly approaching for me and before long decisions will have to be made as to where to spend my old age. Not that I think I will be around to be really old, but I do want to have some time to enjoy my "Golden years" before the long sleep.

When I was a kid I loved winter. Sledding, ice skating, snowball fighting, building snow forts, sugaring in the late winter at my Aunt's farm, and slogging through the snow to hunt rabbits. I don't remember getting so cold back then, but now...even 10 minutes outside and I'm ready to be back indoors. I guess being born in the summer really does make me a warm weather person. I was in the Adirondack mountains here in upstate New York last week and I realized just how beautiful it can be here when the trees get their new leaves and there are so many different shades of green everywhere. If it could stay like this all year I would be perfectly content to stay here. But, then comes the winter again. It is beautiful for the first few days when we get that crisp, clean blanket of new snow, but then it gets ugly real fast and it stays....and stays....and stays.

It's a fun exercise to talk about where we are going when the time comes, we have considered the southern part of California, far from here and where the sun shines most of the time. Time will tell I guess. I will miss the 3 seasons here, but when one season seems as long as the other three? Yeah, it's time to consider the options.

Have a great summer everybody!

2010-11-15T15:01:00.000-05:00

Well, it happened. My Sasha that has been with me for 12 years, ever since she was just a tiny little fuzz ball, passed away on Nov 12, 2010. She was my best friend, my partner in all things practical joke-ish, and just an all around great friend. I think she knew it was time to go, she gave so much while she was here and never asked for anything in return.

I'll miss you every day old friend to the end of my own days. I hope you are in a place where the sun shines, the breeze blows, and the food is good. I love you with all my heart.

2010-08-18T13:59:00.001-04:00

August?

Hey, it's the middle of August already! Hard to believe that this year has flown by so quickly. It seems like just yesterday I was cleaning snow off the walkway, and Oh Boy"! It's almost time to do it again. I'm being sarcastic, I HATE winter with a passion. I keep saying that "someday" we are going to move someplace where the sun shines all day and the temps are in the upper 70's every day but I know I'm just dreaming. I imagine I will be here until I die and for a looooong time after that so I should just suck it up and come to grips with the fact that I'm not going to hit the lottery like I planned.

I used to think that retirement was a long way off and I had plenty of time to get ready, but life kind of got in the way and now time is spinning really fast down the other side of that mountain. I'm pretty sure there is a crash at the bottom for me, but I'm gonna hang on tight and hope for the best.

Travel around the world? Eat my way through Europe? Motorcycle through the Alps? Not likely I guess, but like I always say "It is what it is".

Maybe in my next life if I can build up enough Karma in this one. I keep looking for one of those credit cards that let you build points. I thought maybe they have one for Karma points but I haven't found one yet. When I do I'm going to max that sucker out before I go.

2010-07-28T09:11:00.001-04:00

Good luck Rich!

Today our good friend Rich heads out cross-country on a 21 day motorcycle adventure. I envy him the experience. He's going to see some amazing things on his trip. He's a great rider so I'm not worried about him as far as that goes. He has built up enough good Karma points to ensure some great weather along the way so that should work out for him too. Check out his blog to see where he is along the way,
motorich.blogspot.com

God speed Rich, and be careful out there!

2010-07-28T09:04:00.004-04:00

Another year, another Anniversary..

22 years July 22.. Amazing how fast the time has gone by. Laurie and I have had our share of trama, drama, good, and bad times for sure over these many years, but we are still here.

Honestly, I don't know how she manages to put up with me. I have the attention span of a 5 year old, and as I get older I get more forgetful all the time it seems. She thinks I don't listen to her, but actually I do. It's just that sometimes I forget the important details-like what she told me yesterday that we are going to have for dinner today, what time she is going to work, and where I'm supposed to be going sometimes. I tell her it's because my brain is full and I don't have room and stuff just falls out, but she doesn't believe me.

We have survived our daughter's car crash, the sudden move of the other daughter to California, her son's move to Georgia, and having to give up the granddaughter that lived with us from birth until she was almost 5. It's been rough at times, but she loves me and I love her so we keep plugging along. I guess after being together for 26 years and married for 22 we have reached the point of "grudging acceptance", but it's cool. We fit. I tease her that the modern 22 year anniversary gift is "sharp pointy things" but we had a great day running around together and buying peaches to make preserves and just hanging out together.

Isn't that what it's all about at the end of the day anyway? Here's to another 22+ years with you babe!

2010-03-11T13:49:00.002-05:00

Spring! Finally! I was able to ride today for the first time since November, so I'm a happy camper. The Redwing Blackbirds are back, a little early but that's fine. The air has that early spring smell that reminds me that it really is time for winter to head back north and stay the hell away from here for a while.

It sure does help my mood to see the sun again. I'm always amazed at how difficult the winter darkness is around here. If not for my family I would seriously consider moving to a warmer climate where the sun shines most of the time. I love this part of the country most of the year, but man...Winter sucks.

Work is still boring, demoralizing, and not a lot of fun for me. I know how lucky I am to have a job, but it sure would be nice to feel like I make a difference or have a voice. Since losing the motorcycle program I feel like my worth has fallen to an all time low. It's too bad that between NYS and the MSF they have managed to totally discourage me from doing something that I truly loved and was actually pretty good at. The state doesn't care that they are sending the program money out of state and they still whine about how broke they are but continue to be short-sighted when it comes to taking care of the people of New York. The MSF is in the license mill business and show no interest in being the safety training entity that they once took pride in being. I guess if your money comes from the folks making bikes it makes sense to try to help them sell more bikes even at the risk of turning out riders that aren't prepared to be in traffic. It's sad, and at one time I refused to believe they were doing it, but now I see that it's true.

Ah well, better days are coming I hope...

2010-01-05T16:20:00.000-05:00

"Persona non Grata" means "Unwelcome Person"

That's kind of the way I feel some days. I sit in my little corner and watch people go by and feel pretty much invisible. I'm not asked for my opinion, or my counsel. It's weird really, I used to be the one that they came to when a problem needed solving, or with a suggestion on how situations should be addressed. Not any more.

I'm starting to look forward to retirement. I felt it last week when for the first time in my working life I realized that I wasn't wondering how things were going here, not one little bit. That's not a good sign. This week I should be happy to be back, but instead I'm feeling conflicted.

Better days are coming, I'm sure...

2010-01-02T10:37:00.002-05:00

Well, it's another year. What the hell happened to last year? It seems like only yesterday I was looking at the start of 2009 and wondering what the hell happened to 2008!

I don't know why it bothers me this much. I have a comfortable home, a wife that loves me, a Granddaughter that is the light of my life, a faithful dog, and....a job. Notice the hesitation? It's a job, nothing more. You see, I used to love what I did for a living. I got to travel to some great places, meet some interesting people, and really feel like I made a contribution to the company. Now, not so much...

It's frustrating to feel that I still have a lot to give and no place to give it. I'm forced to take orders from people with far less experience than mine, and there isn't anyone that I can talk to that really understands. I sit in my little corner, do what is expected of me, and all the time feeling like my light is fading day by day. I know, I know...I'm "lucky" to have a job in this economy, and I recognize that, but I have a need to feel valuable and I'm not feeling that. I have spent my whole adult life working to be the kind of person that treats people in the manner that I want to be treated, I've always been honest and respectful and kind. I have always thought that "work" wasn't a four-letter word, and I have listened to so many people complain about their jobs, but I didn't understand. I think I get it now, they weren't really unhappy with the job, but rather they were feeling some of what I'm going through now. But the question is, how do you recover lost dignity?

Another subject for another day I guess..But, I do hope everyone has a Safe and Happy New Year!

2009-12-21T16:30:00.002-05:00

Wow! I completely forgot all about this blog. It's weird to look back and see what I wrote. I really lack the motivation to write every day, but I have to try to find a way to do it.

Winter is back, I still dislike it as much as ever. There are some things that I don't mind, like the how quiet it is after a new snow and the smell of the air. It's the cold I have a hard time with. I guess if you are born in the summer it imprints on you and anything else is just not natural. I have lived in the north most of my life and you would think that it would be something that could be looked forward to, but no. Oh I'm just going to come right out and say it. Winter sucks, period.
Heavy coats, cold cars, boots, dry air, the whole bundle. If I could hit the lotto I think I would buy and island and spend my winters there, but since that's not likely I'll just have to whine about it here.

I promise, I'll try to come back with something better to talk about soon.

2008-03-21T15:59:00.003-04:00

It's been a while since I've been here. I thought I should stop by and drop a post.
Things are pretty good, work is busy and the heart keeps on ticking so that's a good thing.
Winter drags on, way too long this year. I swear they get longer every year, but I guess it's just
because I don't seem to be able to tolerate them the way I used to.

I've been thinking quite a bit about my Dad lately. It's hard to believe that he has been gone 7 years already. It's funny, sometimes I'll struggle with a project or I will hear a joke and the first thing I want to do is call him, but then it hits me that it would be pretty hard to do. I still hear his laugh and he loved a good joke. His sense of humor wasn't always so easy to see, but if you knew where to look you could find it. I know my Mom misses him, she doesn't say much but it's pretty obvious that she thinks about him a lot. She is 88 now and her eyesite is starting to really fade. She has trouble with her leg and it hurts a bit, her hearing is poor but she has hearing aids and that seems to help. But, her mind is still very sharp and she stays active.

The time flies for sure. It seems like only yesterday she was standing at the ironing board whistling while she ironed. I always liked to hear that when I came in. The smell of freshly ironed clothes and her tunes is still one of my favorite memories. I think what I would like to do is start trying to bring back some of those memories while I can still remember them. That way my kids will have some kind of record of my life that they can share. I'm going to try to spend more time here laying down some of those old times.

See you soon.

2007-09-21T15:50:00.000-04:00

The fair was a blast! It's always a good time, but working with my friends makes it that much more fun. We spent a lot of time talking to people and baking in the heat that was pretty intense for the whole 12 days. Lots of noise and bad food and I loved every minute of it.

Before that I had to give a "Proffesional Development Workshop" at a conference in Buffalo. That wasn't as much fun as the fair, but it was a good experience for me. I am way out of my comfort zone doing that kind of thing, and I feel out of place. Everyone said it went really well so I guess I shouldn't be so worried about it.

The trip to Vegas is a month away, but that is something to look forward to. I always like to go out there, even if I do get really tired and it is a working trip. Usually by the time the week is over I am glad to get back home again. I spend a lot of time talking to people and that I like, my voice tends to give out after about 3 days though.

2007-08-08T17:06:00.000-04:00

Wow! Two years since I've posted!

Time flies doesn't it? I just thought I would stop in and try to see if I could find anything to write about. I want to attempt to work on the blog thing again, but I'm not sure how much I will be able to come up with. I'll give it a shot, maybe not every day but when I think I have something to say.

I'm looking forward to getting away for a while, it's not really a vacation since I will be working, but it's not my usual job so it will be a welcome change.

2005-03-03T09:22:00.000-05:00

Hearts and Flowers

One year!

It's really hard to believe, but it's been one year today since the surgery and I couldn't feel better. Actually, except for a little one day glitch that took me to the emergency room for a short time with a strange heartbeat I haven't been sick even one day!

Time really does fly.

I will keep updating here when I have something to say, but it's not something I'm real good at. I have lots to say, but I find it uncomfortable to put my feelings out there most of the time. I am grateful for my time here, and when I am better able to express some of the things that are making me uneasy I'll be back to jot them down.

Until then, Thank's to all my friends and family for the support. Without I wouldn't be as healthy as I am today, and I say I appreciate it is an understatement at best..

2004-08-27T09:35:00.000-04:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

2004-07-19T15:54:00.000-04:00

Perfect!

I'm back from the echo, and all is perfect! The heartrate is now 80-85, right where it should be. Sometimes when a valve is repaired the heart gets "lazy" and stops working as hard as it should. Mine is working spot on..

I'm glad it's over, it's not been fun, but it has been interesting. I hope I don't have to go through anything like it again, but I was lucky. I hope that if any of you find yourself in this position you have the good fortune to have great friends and family like mine. The love they showed for me was the best medicine I could have asked for.

Until next time.....
Bill

2004-07-06T14:10:00.000-04:00

Updated, Uplifted, Up!

Well, Here we are in July. I can now report that I am fully recovered. No pain, MUCH more energy than I had before this whole mess started, and I feel qualified to preach that you should have a physical..Even if you are sure you don't need one. You see, I didn't know I had any problem and had I not gone to my Doc for a check up (because I was 50 remember and that's what you are supposed to do at that age), I might be gone now. I have no doubt that I would have done my normal activity that I do in the summer, teaching motorcycling, running around with Cassidy, ect. At some point my heart would have crapped out. I'm very lucky indeed.

I have to go back for an echocardiogram this month, but I am sure it's gonna look fine. The heart rate is still around 100 beats a minute, but I feel great! I'm probably 20 years younger in the energy department, and even my thought process is clearer. I might even be able to convince the Dr that I don't need to take any more medicine, but that's probably hoping for a lot. I give him a hard time, but he likes it.

So again, I will urge you to GET A PHYSICAL! It can't hurt and just might save your life.

2004-04-07T08:30:00.000-04:00

Back to Work!

I decided to stop the whiny posts and wait until I came back to work to tell you how it all turned out. I am so glad to be back! I'm still weak but getting stronger every day. The Doc didn't want me to come back yet, but I convinced him that I had people that would lift stuff for me and that I promised that I would be a good boy.

I wish I knew a way to put this cool little DVD up so you could see it. The surgeon was a really great guy and he made me this 2 minute DVD of my surgery. It's a little creepy to see the inside of your own chest and know that you are looking at your heart not beating. It's kind of surreal, but very interesting. It put the whole thing in perspective and I understand a lot more about what was done. I'm pretty visual so it helped to see it.

The stitches are mostly healed, I still don't have any feeling in the area around the incision, but he tells me it will come back in time. They are a little concerned that the heart rate is still around 120 beats a minute at rest, but that is supposed to go back to normal at some point too. I'm not gonna post for a while so that I can give an accurate report on how I'm doing once everything goes back to normal....Later.

2004-03-16T08:00:00.000-05:00

Fuzzy Logic

After the visit to the Doc yesterday we stopped by my work since it's right up the road from his office. It was great to see everyone again, it seems like I have been gone for a long time. After having thought about it this morning I realize that I was pretty fuzzy while I was there and probably looked like crap. I'm kind of a living version of a zombie I think, pale and weak looking. I guess I should wait a while before I go back to see them again. I'm pretty tired today after my outing so I think I'll just rest today. The cough medicine sure helps with that process..

2004-03-15T21:00:00.000-05:00

Surviving the Weekend..
Don't ask me how, but somehow I survived the weekend. This was one of the worst experiences that I can remember. Having a cold under normal circumstances is a drag, but
this was far from normal. I'm going to my regular Dr today, at least I know if I see him I will get something to help ease this misery.

Later...Well, it appears that the cold didn't do any damage other than making me feel like shit. He gave me some heavy duty antibiotics that should kill just about any funk in my system. And, some kick ass cough medicine that will knock me out. Finally, some real relief..

2004-03-12T21:30:00.000-05:00

Sneeze, Cough, OUCH, DAMN!

When I talked to the Dr's office yesterday I told them I felt like I was catching cold and asked what I could take. The advice was, "If you still have a cold on Monday call us back". Well, that was helpful.. Now I have a headcold and I can't lay down, and I can't sit in my reclining chair either because I can't get any air. This sucks.

When Joe found out what kind of shape I'm in he decided that he was coming over to hang with me. I can't tell you how much that means to me. Laurie has to get up early and go to work so she needs her rest. So, here we are...Me sitting in a hard backed chair trying to sleep, and Joe, sleeping on the couch right by me in case I need something. If you don't have a Joe of your own, I highly recommend that you get one. On second thought, mine is one of a kind...You can't have him.

2004-03-11T07:00:00.000-05:00

Cough,Cough, OUCH! Cough, OUCH!

Every time I cough it REALLY hurts! It's a dry, hacky cough. My friend Don said he had the same cough when he had his heart problem and it was one of the drugs he was taking that caused it. Something called "Vasotec". Hmmm...I'm taking that! Hit the web, bring up my trusty webmd, and sure enough, "Side effect may include dry cough". What the hell!
Why would you give somebody a drug after ripping their chest open that may cause them to cough! I'm pissed off..

After a call to the Cardio guys they say, "Oh yeah, that can happen"..Grrrr!!
OK, "Fix it"! They change to something called "Diovan" that should work just as well, without the cough.

I have come to the conclusion that it's pretty much a guessing game with these folks. "Let's try this, and if it doesn't work we'll try something else". I know, I'm whining again, but really..I can't sleep because of the cough so I'm a bit cranky.

2004-03-10T08:00:00.000-05:00

Company Day!

I survived yesterday's experience and today I am feeling much better now. The great news today is that (A) Laurie has the day off, and (B) Shannon and Kelly are coming for lunch!
I am going to be really glad to see them, they always bring the sunshine.

We had a really nice time! Subs for lunch and just a great chance to catch up on all the gossip from work. I find I'm pretty tired this afternoon. Mostly because of that pain from yesterday, it really wore me out. I also seem to have developed an annoying cough. I need to see what that is all about...

2004-03-09T08:30:00.000-05:00

Big Mistake
I woke up today with the most incredible pain in the left side of my chest and up into my neck. It feels like a muscle that has been really pulled, and I can't even lift my head or open my eyes. I guess the activity yesterday was too much. I'm going to call the surgeon's office because I must admit I'm a little frightened by it.
Tylenol? That's the best they can do? Don't they know I'm dying here?

Laurie called, she is worried but I told her there was no need for her to come home. There isn't anything she can do for me, I'm just going to try to get comfortable and sleep.

"Hello?"..Laurie called her friend Laura because she was so concerned, so she came right over and she is just hanging out with me. That's really nice of her, I'm sure she had better things to do than babysit me. I am trying to be social, but it's a struggle. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for the company, especially since I don't really understand what's happening. The Dr's office says it's because of the trauma on the other side of my chest. The muscles on the left side have been carrying the load since my surgery and now they are unhappy and complaining. Let me tell you, they bitch really loud!

2004-03-08T08:00:00.000-05:00

"All by Myself"
I feel awesome today! Laurie has gone back to work so I am all my myself. I shuffle around the house, watch crappy TV, and I decided that I could use a little exercise. The treadmill seems like a good idea. I'm only going to do half a mile today, that should be easy.

That went pretty well. So well in fact I think I will help out a little around the house. I can mop the kitchen floor, that doesn't require any lifting.

At the end of the day I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. I didn't sit around all day. I want to get back to normal as soon as possible, so I think by doing little things I will heal faster. Makes sense, right?

2004-03-07T07:00:00.000-05:00

I slept (sort of) in my own bed last night. I wasn't very comfortable so I think I am going to need to sleep in my chair for a while. I can recline in that and it's a lot easier for me to get up when I need to. I'm glad I have my XM radio though, I put on my headphones and listen to music and try to sleep. I don't disturb Laurie that way. I do my best to be quiet so she can sleep, this has been hard on her too.

Everything I eat tastes like crap. I'm pretty sure some of the drugs I am taking are to blame for that. I have quite the collection right now, but hopefully I won't have to take them for long.

I have to take short breaths, I feel like I am having trouble getting air. I'm sure things are kind of crowded in my chest. Seven hours of surgery means that there is some stuff that got bruised up so I guess my lungs are not able to get the full capacity. I try to take deep breaths, but it's not happening. I have a plastic gizmo that has a little yellow disc in side and a tube that I suck air into. The goal is to raise the little yellow disc up to the happy face that's painted on the plastic case. It's supposed to help me get my lungs back in shape so I don't get pneumonia. I do it whenever I think of it, and it is kind of amusing to play with.
Speaking of playing with stuff, I have played with some of my toys that Kelly and Shannon gave me. The wooden puzzles are still in one piece, I haven't thrown them at a wall yet. Those things frustrate me, but Laurie is a whiz at them. The Rubic's Cube still is all mixed up, and I will get around to peeling the stickers off and putting them back on in the right order one of these days. The thing with the flashing lights is fun, and the object is to hit the right combination and turn off all the lights. I find that taking the batteries out does the same thing..And faster too. I did work on some of the word puzzles though, I do pretty good with the scrambled word things.

One day home and I'm bored already. Joe has been over to keep me company, and that helps a lot. Not just for me, but it lets Laurie get some rest too. She worries about me and I'm afraid she will get worn out if she doesn't relax too.
I'm feeling a little weak today, but I'm in a really good mood. I hope it lasts..

2004-03-06T11:00:00.000-05:00

Goin' Home!
All my tubes are gone, the IV has been undone, even the Catheter is gone!
I've been cleared for takeoff.

Get me outta here. I can't wait to get home in my own house, with my own stuff, and I can maybe get some rest. As soon as they said I was free to go I got dressed and parked out by the nurse's desk while they prepared my discharge orders. They didn't expect me to get ready that quick. Hey, I'm going home, of course I'm gonna get ready quick. Finally, they read all of my instructions, "Take this handful of pills at this time, take some more later, call the Dr for an appointment, blah, blah, blah." Good thing Laurie was there. I didn't listen to a word the nurse said...Did I mention I'm going home?

It's a little uncomfortable riding in the truck, and I realize that I am still pretty tired. We make a quick stop so Laurie can grab some lunch and then HOME!

I settle into my Lazy boy, lean back with a blanket and enjoy the peace and quiet.
Now the recovery can really start..

2004-03-05T06:00:00.000-05:00

Well I feel like shit. Not in the physical sense, except that I'm really tired. The staff has been working on my roommate all night long, and as a result they have kept me awake pretty much all night, not to mention that it's hot as hell in here. Anyway, I was just about to pitch a royal bitch at somebody for all the noise when they came in and said, "We have to move you to another room, Mr. XXXX in the bed next door has passed away."
Instead of being focused on how lucky I am to be here at all, I was getting all pissy about a little noise. Call me Mr. Sensitive.

Later...
I was really looking forward to Shannon and Kelly's visit today, REALLY looking forward to seeing them, but because of the lack of sleep and the general crappy feeling I wouldn't be very good company so I asked Laurie to tell them it would probably be best if they didn't come today. I love them both like the little sisters that big brothers get to tease all the time. They were going to get to see my cool scars and tubes sticking out of my chest and stuff..You know, the things you do to gross out your little sisters for your own amusement? I miss them already and I've only been out of work for a few days. That's OK, I'll have plenty of time to catch up on my harassment later..

My sister calls often from Florida too. I'm always grateful to have her, she knows medicine stuff and helps me understand some of the things I'm curious about. My experience is that a large majority of medical people want to treat you like there is no way you could understand the language they speak, so they talk in vague techno-speak. I have been dealing with these folks because of daughters with serious medical issues for a very long time now, and I have learned if I ask the right questions at the right time they will give me the information I need to know. My sister cuts through all that crap for me so I don't need to waste time trying to prove I'm not an idiot.

Joe brought me some really obscene get well cards today, that almost made me forget how crappy I feel. I did however find out that laughing is painful right now.
That's a pain I can deal with though.

The Physical Therapy people are still trying to get me to walk around the halls. I try, but I get really dizzy and I'm somewhat blind out there. I finally figured out that the percocets they keep feeding me for pain are the cause. I told them I didn't want or need them, I'm not in pain. Now that they are gone I can walk around fine, I even went up and down the stairs a few times! Now that I have done that I can probably go home tomorrow! Hurray!

2004-03-04T07:00:00.000-05:00

If you have ever been a patient in a hospital you know that sleep is almost impossible. I can't really fault the nurses, they are doing their job, but every 15 minutes? They come in, check blood pressure, temp, whatever. Then they leave, come back because they forgot to check something, leave, then the doctors-in-training come in. Sometimes they acknowledge you, sometimes it's a group and it's "Mr. so-and-so blah, blah, blah, and we did yadda, yadda, yadda." Then they mumble to each other, look at the charts....And they move on to the next victim.

The dietician brings in "Breakfast." Now, those that know me know that I will eat most anything that's put in front of me, but really people...Lemon Jello, decaf coffee, something that may or may not have been eggs at one point in time, and cream of wheat with no milk or sugar? Wallpaper paste like consistency. I had a bad part, not heart disease. Ah well, nothing really tastes right anyway. I eat what I can.

I'm really good about doing what they ask, "Here, take these pills, time to draw blood, time to clean your IV, ect, ect, ect." But it's usually when I finally get a chance to sleep a little. I can see that I will be ready to climb the walls after a few days of this. I'm glad that Laurie is here and that the guys have dropped by too. I'm afraid I'm not very good company right now, but they are cool about it.
Laurie started a sweater for me when I went in for surgery and her goal is to have it finished by the time I go back to work, and she is knitting like crazy while she sits here and listens to me whine about pretty much everything. *Sigh*

The Physical Therapy people come in a few times because they would like me to get up and walk around. I try, but I feel a bit "disconnected" between mind and body when I do. Maybe later...

Sometime in the afternoon
I feel bad for my roommate. He seems to be in pretty bad shape. I guess he has been here a while and I don't know what the problem is, but there lots of doctors in and out of his side of the room.

I feel pretty good, all things considered. I can't really move much because I'm pretty sore so I have to lay on my back. My breathing is mostly short breaths, I can't take a deep breath. I am surprised that I really don't have any pain, probably the drugs. That tube in my neck is annoying, not because it hurts but because I know it's there. Same for the one in my chest. I drift in and out of sleep during the day, probably the drugs again, or maybe because I'm bored. Shannon and Kelly gave me some cool toys to play with, and puzzle books, but I'm not ready to play with them yet. I figure I will have plenty of time for them later.

I asked if the tube in my neck could come out and one of the Docs came in. It was easier than I thought it would be. He said, "When I tell you, cough real hard for me." I did and just like that it was gone. He put a great big pressure bandage on the hole so I wouldn't spurt blood all over the place from the artery. That's more annoying than the tube was, but I have to keep it on for a few days.

It's been a long day...

2004-03-03T19:35:00.000-05:00

I'm hear somebody...I can't see anything...I'm trying to talk but nothing is coming out of my mouth and, why does my back hurt so much? I feel like somebody is jamming something into my back. I'm trying to tell whoever is talking to me, but I can't make the words come out. Now I begin to remember, I had surgery...This must be recovery. Why does everything sound so far away? Damn! This pain in my back is unbelievable. Where is Laurie? Wait..I hear her but she can't hear me. I'm sure I'm alive because if I wasn't my back wouldn't hurt like this.

I am hearing her a little better now. Oh wait, there's a tube in my throat! No wonder I can't talk. Gotta tell somebody about my back. Things are starting to get a little clearer now...If I write on my sheet with my finger maybe I can tell her about my back. Yup, I can spell. The nurse says I can have some Morphine for the pain. Great! That should take care of the problem. Oh crap, this stuff is making my stomach roll, I try to tell them that I'm gonna be sick....
Whew....That's how to get rid of a tube down your gullet. They pulled that thing out pretty quick when I told them I was going to hurl. I still can't talk, but at least my back feels a little better.

I drift in and out most of the night, it's really quiet in Intensive care. I have a nurse that sits right at the foot of my bed all night and comes in every 15 minutes or so to check up on me. When I am awake I have strange thoughts. I listen to what is happening around me, play with O2 sensor, the little red light that's taped to my finger. I do the "ET phone home" imitation and it makes me laugh. I get the feeling my nurse has seen it lots of time before and he doesn't laugh at me.

I just realized that I have tubes sticking out all over the place. There is one coming out of my neck that looks like a tree on the end, 4 or 5 branches at the end. There is one in my chest that I can't really see where the end is. There is a catheter tube that comes out of "My special place", don't really want to go into detail on that one..

My poor Laurie has to be exhausted. It has been a longer day for her than me. I'm glad she's going home to get some sleep. She must have been worried sick all day. Thank goodness for the guys. All of our friends that we teach with at the Motorcycle School were there with her while I was in surgery and of course Joe..He has a heart as big as he is, and that's pretty darn big. He hung in there since early morning, and I don't think he even scored on any nurses the whole day, I think that must be a new record for him. It must have been a wild time in the waiting room. These guys are a portable party waiting to happen. Words can't describe what I feel for these guys.

I need to take a minute to thank my friends/family. There really isn't a line to separate friends and family in my book. The people I know and work with are family to me. I love them all. They mean more to me than I can possible express, but they know who they are and how I feel about them. It's times like this when you realize just how important these relationships are. I am so lucky to have them.

I'm pretty much awake now, but still a bit fuzzy. Not a bad night really. It's early morning and there is a bit more activity with the changing of the guard. Thirsty..I'm really thirsty. They let me have ice chips, but I really could use a drink of water. I have some voice again and I finally convince them that I promise not to hurl on them if they let me have a drink. They finally agree and I keep my promise.

I don't know what time it is, but the nurse and her assistant come in and ask me if I would like to walk over to the floor to my new room. I say "Sure, why not?" It was just heart surgery, I still have my legs. Macho man..Besides, they made it sound like a challenge, and I wasn't going to pass that up. It was quite the site. Me with my IV tree and my little parade walking down the hall. They kept trying to get me slow down, they were having trouble keeping up with me. Slowpokes..

I'm in my new room now. I'll have to let you know how I like it after I take a little nap.

2004-03-03T07:00:00.000-05:00

O'Dark Thirty in the Morning..
Well, today is the day. I'm excited, nervous, anxious, but surprised that I'm not at all frightened. My wife, my good friend Joe and I arrive bright and early at the hospital and check in. Everybody there is very pleasant, but it's just another day at the office for them. I am well aware that in a very short time I'm going to have my heart stopped and I'm a bit awed by the thought.

In a while we go down to the pre-operative area where I don my lovely backless hospital gown and get on the gurney/bed thing. I do like the heated blankets, nice touch. Pretty soon the nice resident from anesthesiology comes in to start an IV line so that I can get the nice drugs to put me out. He sticks me no less than 4 times, trying to find the vein he needs. After a while I suggest that he just keep sticking me until I bleed out and then he won't have to use drugs at all. He apologizes and I feel a little bad for teasing him, but I'm the one thats bleeding.

Laurie and Joe come back in and we visit for a while and pretty soon it's time for me to go into the operating room where they can finish getting me ready for the rest of the long day ahead. I kiss Laurie, hug Joe and tell them to take care of each other. They start something in my IV as they wheel.......me........away........and I start to.......drift......off... .. ... ......

2004-02-25T14:00:00.000-05:00

The appointment is on for today!

We get to meet the surgeon, Man! This guy looks soooo young! But everybody tells me he is really good at what he does, and I like him right off the bat so I'm OK with the fact that he has the Doogie Howser thing going on.

He explains that he is going to do something called a "Minimally Invasive" procedure.
A small incision under my right breast and going in between my ribs. No splitting my breastbone and that big cool caterpillar-like scar? Amazing! I like this guy more and more all the time! Then he explains how he will repair the valve, cutting a little piece out, sewing a "ring" on it for support, ect. "OK, sounds good, when can we get this thing over with?" I was a little surprised when he says, "How's Monday?" Hmmm..I wouldn't buy a car built on a Monday, so I wonder out loud if it's a good idea to have surgery when everybody is coming off a weekend, and he laughs at me. "OK, how about Wednesday then?"

One more week..."We're gonna fix this thing," NO MORE testing now!

2004-02-19T12:00:00.000-05:00

Today is the day I'm supposed to meet with the sawbones that is going to split me and fix my little problem. I'm anxious because we are getting close now and I want to get it over so I can get back to doing the things I want to do. I'm very lucky because I have a great wife and lots of really good friends that worry about me and they haven't let me do much since we found out about my "defect." I appreciate the concern, but I really don't do well with sitting still.

10:00 ~ The Dr's. office just called....He has an emergency and will have to postpone my appointment until next Tuesday. Arrrrrrgh! This will be a long week..

2004-02-11T12:00:00.000-05:00

Oh boy! This is gonna be fun...Today we are doing a Cardiac Catheterization. I'm not really happy about this because I don't see why I need it. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I'm in (pretty good) shape, so there shouldn't be any gunk in my arteries.
"It's just a precaution" they say. So, I tell them to go ahead and knock me out and get it over with, but they go "Oh no, you need to be awake for this so we can talk to you." WHAT? No happy drugs? I like this less and less all the time.

Anyway, they wheel me into this operating room and it's kinda cold in there. The Dr comes in and gives me a shot in my groin, or my "Special place" as I like to call it, to numb the area. Then I get to see my heart on a TV screen over my head as he feeds these wires up through my Femoral artery and into my heart. Strange, there are no nerves inside arteries so I don't feel it (Thank Goodness). After a while they tell me they are going to inject some dye for contrast, and it's like WHOOSH..A really nice hot flash that goes from my ears to my toes. Remember I said it was cold in there. So I tell them to "Hit me again" because it helped warm me up. So they do. Nice..

Just as I thought, clean as a whistle. I'm feeling smug about it, but I hold back the "I told you so" that I had ready. Besides, they still have needles and stuff.
Doc says "OK, this part will hurt, sorry but I have to do this." At that point he takes something that I can only describe as something that looks like a mini-marshmallow and SHOVES it into that hole he poked in my Femoral...Damn! He wasn't kidding, not the most pleasant experience so far.

After a nice 2 hour nap flat on my back I get to get up and go home. Next stop, meeting the Surgeon. We have gone from "We gotta fix that" to "We're finally gonna fix that."

2004-02-02T12:00:00.000-05:00

"Stress" test. First another Echocardiogram, lots of wires stuck to my chest. Then I get to run on a treadmill with all the wires hanging, I kinda feel like the 6 million dollar man..Very high tech. I'm supposed to be able to run uphill and downhill for 12 minutes, but at 9 minutes I'm huffing and puffing like a 3 pack a day smoker and they decide it's probably time to stop. Quick, back on the table to do another echo and see how my poor little pumper is straining. My heartrate is somewhere in the neighborhood of 160. I don't want to be in that neighborhood..

Anyway, "We really need to fix that." But of course, MORE tests first.

2004-01-21T11:00:00.000-05:00

"Transesophageal Echocardiogram." Pretty impressive term huh? It means, "We are going to shove a hose about the size of your little finger down your throat so we can get an up-close and personal look at that leaky valve."

It really isn't as bad as it sounds. They have good drugs for this sort of thing, and once they put the IV in your arm you're pretty much good to go. All I really remember is talking to the nice nurses and then my vision started to narrow-quickly. I said "OK, Bye." and the next thing I remember is waking up.

In the cloudy stupor I remember the Dr saying, "We are gonna have to fix that."
But first....MORE tests.

2004-01-07T11:15:00.001-05:00

Today I go down to the hospital for an Echocardiogram. Interesting process. Basically they smear this goop on your chest and run a microphone looking thing around in the goop so they can look at an echo picture of the heart and the valves doing their thing. The technician says, "Um, we need to have a Dr take a look at this." Not exactly encouraging news. I was expecting something more like, "This looks great, I think your doctor must have made a mistake."

Anyway he comes in, looks at the pictures and says, "Hmmm, Mitral Valve Prolapse with Regurgitation." I say, "Once again in English please."

He explains that there is large valve that opens when the heart pumps that allows blood to run though the system, then slams shut until the next pump. Mine is dropping down so that the blood runs back into my heart. Not a good thing.
He says, "We're going to need to fix that." But first...We need MORE tests. I get to come back for something called a TEE. I'll keep you posted.

2003-12-18T16:30:00.000-05:00

Hey..You have a heart murmur!

So I went to see the Dr today, because at my age it's the right thing to do. After some discussion about how out of shape I am in the winter, and being out of air when I walk a few hundred yards, we get to the actual physical.
When he puts the cold stethoscope on my chest he says, "Hey, you have a heart murmur!" He is surprised because it wasn't there 6 months ago when I saw him for something else. So, the standard Dr response to this type of situation is, "We better have that looked at."
Stay tuned...