Another year, another Anniversary..

22 years July 22.. Amazing how fast the time has gone by. Laurie and I have had our share of trama, drama, good, and bad times for sure over these many years, but we are still here.

Honestly, I don't know how she manages to put up with me. I have the attention span of a 5 year old, and as I get older I get more forgetful all the time it seems. She thinks I don't listen to her, but actually I do. It's just that sometimes I forget the important details-like what she told me yesterday that we are going to have for dinner today, what time she is going to work, and where I'm supposed to be going sometimes. I tell her it's because my brain is full and I don't have room and stuff just falls out, but she doesn't believe me.

We have survived our daughter's car crash, the sudden move of the other daughter to California, her son's move to Georgia, and having to give up the granddaughter that lived with us from birth until she was almost 5. It's been rough at times, but she loves me and I love her so we keep plugging along. I guess after being together for 26 years and married for 22 we have reached the point of "grudging acceptance", but it's cool. We fit. I tease her that the modern 22 year anniversary gift is "sharp pointy things" but we had a great day running around together and buying peaches to make preserves and just hanging out together.


Isn't that what it's all about at the end of the day anyway? Here's to another 22+ years with you babe!

Spring! Finally! I was able to ride today for the first time since November, so I'm a happy camper. The Redwing Blackbirds are back, a little early but that's fine. The air has that early spring smell that reminds me that it really is time for winter to head back north and stay the hell away from here for a while.

It sure does help my mood to see the sun again. I'm always amazed at how difficult the winter darkness is around here. If not for my family I would seriously consider moving to a warmer climate where the sun shines most of the time. I love this part of the country most of the year, but man...Winter sucks.

Work is still boring, demoralizing, and not a lot of fun for me. I know how lucky I am to have a job, but it sure would be nice to feel like I make a difference or have a voice. Since losing the motorcycle program I feel like my worth has fallen to an all time low. It's too bad that between NYS and the MSF they have managed to totally discourage me from doing something that I truly loved and was actually pretty good at. The state doesn't care that they are sending the program money out of state and they still whine about how broke they are but continue to be short-sighted when it comes to taking care of the people of New York. The MSF is in the license mill business and show no interest in being the safety training entity that they once took pride in being. I guess if your money comes from the folks making bikes it makes sense to try to help them sell more bikes even at the risk of turning out riders that aren't prepared to be in traffic. It's sad, and at one time I refused to believe they were doing it, but now I see that it's true.

Ah well, better days are coming I hope...

"Persona non Grata" means "Unwelcome Person"

That's kind of the way I feel some days. I sit in my little corner and watch people go by and feel pretty much invisible. I'm not asked for my opinion, or my counsel. It's weird really, I used to be the one that they came to when a problem needed solving, or with a suggestion on how situations should be addressed. Not any more.

I'm starting to look forward to retirement. I felt it last week when for the first time in my working life I realized that I wasn't wondering how things were going here, not one little bit. That's not a good sign. This week I should be happy to be back, but instead I'm feeling conflicted.

Better days are coming, I'm sure...

Well, it's another year. What the hell happened to last year? It seems like only yesterday I was looking at the start of 2009 and wondering what the hell happened to 2008!

I don't know why it bothers me this much. I have a comfortable home, a wife that loves me, a Granddaughter that is the light of my life, a faithful dog, and....a job. Notice the hesitation? It's a job, nothing more. You see, I used to love what I did for a living. I got to travel to some great places, meet some interesting people, and really feel like I made a contribution to the company. Now, not so much...

It's frustrating to feel that I still have a lot to give and no place to give it. I'm forced to take orders from people with far less experience than mine, and there isn't anyone that I can talk to that really understands. I sit in my little corner, do what is expected of me, and all the time feeling like my light is fading day by day. I know, I know...I'm "lucky" to have a job in this economy, and I recognize that, but I have a need to feel valuable and I'm not feeling that. I have spent my whole adult life working to be the kind of person that treats people in the manner that I want to be treated, I've always been honest and respectful and kind. I have always thought that "work" wasn't a four-letter word, and I have listened to so many people complain about their jobs, but I didn't understand. I think I get it now, they weren't really unhappy with the job, but rather they were feeling some of what I'm going through now. But the question is, how do you recover lost dignity?

Another subject for another day I guess..But, I do hope everyone has a Safe and Happy New Year!

Wow! I completely forgot all about this blog. It's weird to look back and see what I wrote. I really lack the motivation to write every day, but I have to try to find a way to do it.

Winter is back, I still dislike it as much as ever. There are some things that I don't mind, like the how quiet it is after a new snow and the smell of the air. It's the cold I have a hard time with. I guess if you are born in the summer it imprints on you and anything else is just not natural. I have lived in the north most of my life and you would think that it would be something that could be looked forward to, but no. Oh I'm just going to come right out and say it. Winter sucks, period.
Heavy coats, cold cars, boots, dry air, the whole bundle. If I could hit the lotto I think I would buy and island and spend my winters there, but since that's not likely I'll just have to whine about it here.

I promise, I'll try to come back with something better to talk about soon.

It's been a while since I've been here. I thought I should stop by and drop a post.
Things are pretty good, work is busy and the heart keeps on ticking so that's a good thing.
Winter drags on, way too long this year. I swear they get longer every year, but I guess it's just
because I don't seem to be able to tolerate them the way I used to.

I've been thinking quite a bit about my Dad lately. It's hard to believe that he has been gone 7 years already. It's funny, sometimes I'll struggle with a project or I will hear a joke and the first thing I want to do is call him, but then it hits me that it would be pretty hard to do. I still hear his laugh and he loved a good joke. His sense of humor wasn't always so easy to see, but if you knew where to look you could find it. I know my Mom misses him, she doesn't say much but it's pretty obvious that she thinks about him a lot. She is 88 now and her eyesite is starting to really fade. She has trouble with her leg and it hurts a bit, her hearing is poor but she has hearing aids and that seems to help. But, her mind is still very sharp and she stays active.

The time flies for sure. It seems like only yesterday she was standing at the ironing board whistling while she ironed. I always liked to hear that when I came in. The smell of freshly ironed clothes and her tunes is still one of my favorite memories. I think what I would like to do is start trying to bring back some of those memories while I can still remember them. That way my kids will have some kind of record of my life that they can share. I'm going to try to spend more time here laying down some of those old times.

See you soon.

The fair was a blast! It's always a good time, but working with my friends makes it that much more fun. We spent a lot of time talking to people and baking in the heat that was pretty intense for the whole 12 days. Lots of noise and bad food and I loved every minute of it.

Before that I had to give a "Proffesional Development Workshop" at a conference in Buffalo. That wasn't as much fun as the fair, but it was a good experience for me. I am way out of my comfort zone doing that kind of thing, and I feel out of place. Everyone said it went really well so I guess I shouldn't be so worried about it.

The trip to Vegas is a month away, but that is something to look forward to. I always like to go out there, even if I do get really tired and it is a working trip. Usually by the time the week is over I am glad to get back home again. I spend a lot of time talking to people and that I like, my voice tends to give out after about 3 days though.